49 20 6C 6F 76 65 20 79 6F 75 2E
My Recovery and Healing Server.
> life_of_every_party.ps1
> death_of_every_relationship.ps1
> toxic_patterns.ps1.
> self_awareness_and_living_amends.ps1
> sobriety_and_recovery.ps1
> healing_and_unmasking.ps1
>
// Core Information System //
-
A 3,908.7 mile, thirteen day road trip through ten state crossings, two national parks, and one Ministry of Statistical Information Department worth of nerdy data. Also: astrophotography four years in the making, a photo recaptured after twenty two years, and the moment I chose to turn the car around 12 days earlier than originally intended.
-
A month ago I found out I am autistic, and every pattern I spent this year naming suddenly had a different shape underneath it. I didn’t have language for any of it when I recorded this piece, so I let my body move through it instead. Kai Wachi said what I couldn’t, and I danced the grief because my mouth hadn’t caught up yet.
-
There is no substance left standing between me and whatever I feel now. No drink, no chemical, nothing to soften the edges or buy me a night off. So when this song ripped open the way it does, quiet grief giving way to an explosive drop, I let my body do what it had to do. Weeks of stacked, unfinished grief moved out of my nervous system the only way it could. Not through numbing. Through movement.
-
June 2026 was a month of exploration and wonder. Learning about being autistic while exploring dating with 3 different women. 176 days completely sober from drugs and alcohol. 161.4 miles walked on two feet that kept my nervous system regulated. I road tripped through 5 states and slept in 4 of them. I went no-contact with all but two people I am related to.
-
A year ago I walked off a 25 year IT career with no plan and no safety net. Since then I have lost a partnership, an identity, and most of my extended family, and found chemical and emotional sobriety, a personal operating system that actually works for how my brain runs, and the truth that I have been autistic and masking my entire life without knowing it. This is the full road from that exit, including the boundary that got tested within days of finally setting it, and the new connection I’m building without a mask on for the first…
-
May 2026 was a month of feeling everything, protecting everything, and losing nothing that actually mattered. 146 days completely sober. 71 days emotionally clean. 210.3 miles walked. Got hit by a mail truck and walked away. Felt the grief. Honored the nervous system. Held the boundaries. Said goodbye to what wasn’t safe. Said hello to a Buffalo Brotherhood, Lummi elders, new friendships, and a pier I danced off as a free man. This is what healing looks like when it’s actually working.
-
For the first time in my life, I can actually feel the love. Not as a concept. As a felt thing. I danced to prove it.
Trending Posts
Trending Tags
40mm abandonment accountability alcohol sobriety amends anxiety anxious attachment avoidance bass music bellingham washington bellingham waterfront bipolar disorder black and white photography boundaries breakups buffalo cannabis sobriety childhood trauma codependency community courage CPTSD crying dance doing the work downtown bellingham ego death electronic music emotional sobriety estrangement family fear freedom friendship full color photography gratitude grief guilt happiness healing healing journey horns forward identity transformation integrity internal family systems joy kratom sobriety letting go little squalicum pier lived experience locust beach long distance walking losing-love loss love major life changes mental health mindfulness mindful photography new beginnings no contact ocean therapy ownership Pacific Northwest parental wounding parts work patterns peace peer support performing personal growth photography platonic relationships psychiatric hospitalization psych meds psychosis radical acceptance recovery rejection relationship damage relationships rescuing resilience Ricoh GRIIIX secure attachment self-compassion self-discovery self-love selfies shadow work shame slow photography sobriety starting over transformation trauma truth unconditional love unkillable vulnerability